Infidelity and Cheating

Cheating and Infidelity Statistics:
So who cheats more? Men or women? The answer may suprise you. Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship.These numbers may sound quite startling. Usually when one mentions cheating, it is the man that comes to mind. Also when we talk about cheating the first thing that come to mind is that the cheater is having 'sex' with someone else. This may come as a complete surprise, but most extramarital affairs are not about sex. What then, is the main factor that causes infidelity? Well let us explore.
Well, these findings suggest that cheating is on both side of the isle. Approximately one half of all married men and women do seek intimacy outside of their committed relationships. But what does this really mean and why are the number of men and women having extramarital affairs so high?

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So why do people cheat
There are many reasons why a person cheats and it is almost impossible to fully analyse the reasons in this piece. But there are several major reasons why
people cheat, and that is what we will try to discuss in this article.
When asked why he or she cheated an unfaithful spouse will often declare that it just happened. While that may be true it is never quite that simple. There are actually underlying factors in the relationship or within the individual that led to the infidelity. In other words, there are reasons why people cheat.

Finding out that your spouse or partner has cheated on you is shocking and painful. Realizing that you are just another number that adds to the already high infidelity statistics is not something you would like to flaunt. According to an infidelity poll over over 1,100 women conducted by http://www.WomanSavers.com, over 62% of women thought that men cheat more than women. However, in a similar WomanSaver’s poll of over 850 women, only 67% said they would never cheat on their partner. You can see that many marriages are being affected by infidelity and it is unreasonable to think affairs are due to the failures and shortcomings of individual husbands or wives. There exists evidence which proves there may be a high correlation between on-line infidelity and subsequent real-time sexual affairs. The reality is that there are a lot of unsatisfying and empty relationships out there. However, the reason why infidelity statistics are as high as they are is because people place a higher value on their careers, children, friends or hobbies and not on their relationships with their partners. Think about it. When you neglect any of these areas, it is just a matter of time before these things deteriorate.

The Top Reasons Men and Women Cheat
For most men, sex is the primary motivating factor for cheating on their mate. The majority of the reasons cheating men give for their infidelity were directly or indirectly related to sex.

On the other hand, women who were cheating on their spouses or significant others had different motivations for their affairs. The primary motivating factors for cheating wives are linked to unmet emotional needs or dissatisfaction with their marriage, or their mate.

Below are the 10 most common reasons cheating husbands and cheating wives use to justify their extramarital affairs:

Top 10 Reasons Why Men Cheat

• more sex (the desire for a more active sex life)
• sexual variety (the desire for different type of sex or particular sex act)
• opportunistic sex ( presented with an opportunity to have sex without getting caught)
• to satisfy sexual curiosity (about having sex with a particular person)
• to reaffirm his sexuality
• a feeling of entitlement (the belief that it’s a man’s prerogative to cheat)
• the “thrill of the chase”
• the desire to feel important or special ( an ego boost)
• peer pressure
• sexual addiction

Top 10 Reasons Why Women Cheat

• lack of emotional intimacy (a desire for a close emotional bond)
• dissatisfaction with her mate
• marital or relationship unhappiness
• a desire for male attention
• to reaffirm her desirability (To feel validated as a woman)
• to re-experience feelings of romance
• a desire to feel “special”
• boredom
• loneliness
• sexual excitement

The Bottom Line on Why Men and Women Cheat

In a nutshell, men tend to cheat largely for sexual reasons, while women cheat for emotional reasons. There are several studies on infidelity that bear that out. One study, in particular, found that 75% to 80% of the men who admitted to having extramarital affairs said that sex was their primary motivation. Only 20% of the women who were having extramarital affairs said they did so for purely sexual reasons.

Of course, the reasons listed above aren’t the only reasons cheating men and cheating women are unfaithful to their mates. There are many other reasons as well. But these were the reasons most frequently given by cheating husbands and cheating wives who were willing to discuss why they were having an extramarital affair.

Most Cheaters Get Away With Cheating on their Mates

Studies further indicate that most infidelity goes undetected. The majority of cheating spouses get away with cheating on their mates. In one study, 70% of married women and 54% of married men had no idea their spouse was having an extramarital affair. Another study found that 60% of the cheating spouses said their partner did not know about their affair.

Why Most Cheaters Don’t Get Caught

There’s a reason why so many cheating spouses get away with cheating on their mates. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not because the innocent partner is in denial. Most people are woefully uninformed or misinformed about signs of infidelity. They may realize that something is somehow wrong with their marriage or relationship – that something is lacking, that the relationship is not all that it could be. But because of their unfamiliarity with the signs of infidelity., --particularly the subtle signs -- they don't realize the underlying problem is undetected infidelity.

If more people knew how to recognize the warning signs of infidelity, more marriages could be saved. After all, the first step to solving a problem is knowing that the problem exists. The best way to protect a marriage or relationship is to familiarize yourself with the signs of infidelity. For a FREE copy of the report entitled 21 Ways to Tell That You Have a Cheating Mate, which describes the 21 major categories of infidelity signs, e-mail InfidelityInfo@gmail.com with 21 ways-sg in the subject line.

Tips to help avoid affairs
Be open - honesty is the key to avoiding affairs. Share any temptations with your partner and agree to support each other.
Be close - build and maintain emotional and sexual intimacy in your relationship. The closer you are, the stronger you are.
Be smart - don't slip into complacency: everyone is vulnerable to temptation.
Be alert - if you find yourself feeling attracted to someone, take action to avoid getting any closer.
Behave - if you'd describe yourself as a natural flirt, remember: if you don't want to get burned, don't play with fire.

Surviving the affair
Trust is essential for a healthy relationship, and it's something we often take for granted until it's gone. If you're the one that's had the affair, you'll need to work hard at reassuring your partner that it's them you truly love and that you've learnt from your mistake.

If you're the one who's been cheated, you may find yourself asking questions for a long time. But as time passes, you'll find yourself feeling more secure and confident about your relationship.

Trust only takes a moment to break, but much, much longer to rebuild. At first it may feel that your relationship will never recover, but with hard work and patience it can survive. An affair always signals a turning point in a relationship - but it doesn't have to signal the end.

1. "Im not in love with you anymore". This is considered to be one of the most consistent things unfaithful men and women say to their partners. So, who is he/she in love with now?

2. "We're just friends". This is the most predictable statement wayward men and women make. A typical pattern is spending more time with a "friend". This "friend" can be anyone from his/her boss to just about anyone he/she met.

3. A sudden need for privacy. Before: his/her computer is not password protected, it is fine to go through his/her bag or wallet to look for a pen or a receipt. NOW: his/her computer is password protected after 1 minute of no activity, you get accused of snooping and invading personal space.

4. "I need my space to decide what to do with our relationship". A sudden desire to move out of home (or force you to move out) is often an indication that there is someone else and that spouse is seeking ways to have more freedom to come and go without question.

5. Change in work habits. Working late, going in at odd hours, or putting in significantly long hours at work (overtimes!), can also be good indications. But of course, some do have an overload at work.

6. Spending a lot of time on the computer. Nowadays, the ease with which one can have secret email accounts has allowed infidelity to blossom at alarming rates. Chat rooms, online dating and internet pornography is huge business and sexual addiction is rampant.

7. Spending (and hiding) a lot of time on the phone especially on the mobile phone. Many affairs primarily occurs on the phone or email.

8. Inconsistencies in the details and behaviour that doesn't add up. Missing time, money that can't be accounted for, not being where he or she is expected to be, etc...

9. New lingerie or other intimate items of clothing.

10. Your fears and suspicions. Ever heard of gut-feel? Female intuition? That in itself is saying something.

How many of these warning signs are in your marriage or relationship?

What do the experts think?

1. Dr. Laura Berman
In my practice, I encounter adultery and cheating almost every day. Infidelity is a common theme in many relationships -- but the reasons behind it may surprise you.
Cheating is rarely about pure sexual attraction. Infidelity is almost always about more than just sex. Indeed, some of the common reasons that people cheat are entirely based on emotional needs.

Perhaps one of the most common reasons behind infidelity is the need for appreciation. Someone who is feeling unloved or unappreciated may begin looking outside their marriage for sources of comfort and affirmation. Occasionally, these partners even blame their spouses for their infidelity - rationalizing it as, "Well, if he paid more attention to me, I wouldn't have to cheat," or "If she can't give me the love I need, I have a right to seek it elsewhere." However, if you aren't feeling loved or appreciated in your relationship, you need to take responsibility for those feelings and discover what is causing you feel that way. Do you feel unloved because your spouse is spending too much time at work? Are you jealous of your boyfriend's relationship with his female friends? By addressing the true issue and being upfront about personal and sexual needs, couples can keep cheating out of the picture.

Another common reason for infidelity is revenge. Perhaps your partner cheated on you in the past or you merely have suspicions about his faithfulness. This might drive you to try to get back at your partner by committing similar offenses. However, as Gandhi once put it, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." If you have secret anger or bitterness towards your partner, quit hiding it! Make him or her aware of your feelings and decide if you're able to forgive and forget. If you can't, it's better to get out of the relationship rather than stay and cheat.

One often surprising reason behind infidelity is self-destruction. Some people have such low self-esteem that when something good happens to them (such as meeting and dating a great man or woman), they think they don't deserve that gift. In response to such feelings, these people may go out of their way to self-destruct their relationships. Other people keep their feelings hidden, thinking "better to break their heart before they can break mine." Self-esteem and trust issues this extreme may require outside support in the form of couples or individual counseling. If you believe your mate is suffering from such feelings, assist them by offering your love, praise, and affection.

If you want to protect your relationship from infidelity, you must first protect your relationship from the silent killers - jealousy, bitterness, low self-esteem, and mistrust. The only way to do this is through honest communication. Reveal your true emotions and needs to your partner and encourage him to do the same.

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